My Weekends

SATURDAY:
Morning - ORA
Afternoon - TC and Dance
Evening - TLL

SUNDAY TO-DO:

1. Chem ws
   
2. English essay outline
   
3. Maths assignment
   
4. Maths revision exercise
5. Geog FA (why must there be a lorms question)
6. Geog manufacturing notes
   
7. Geog case studies notes
   
8. Geog case studies ws
9. Chinese ting xie
10. Chinese si han
11. Chinese gong han
    
12. Bio videos
13. STUDY BIO SPA
    
14. STUDY MATHS GA

//feel like skipping school on monday.

Nice

Most of my results were back.

Maths - Okay. Good.
Physics - Satisfied.
Social Studies - Okay.
Chem - Best. Failed with a single digit.
Chinese - Disappointed. Shocked.
Biology - Disappointed. Unexpected.
Geography - Disappointed. I am sitting right in front of the teacher's desk. When i got back my paper, i was shocked and didn't expect a lousy 14 from me. Mrs Mo saw me and said "Chloe, dont be sad uh." It sounded like she was 'scolding' me. I didnt finished the paper after all. Whatever.

Term 1 results were such a disappointment. like totally. Too many 2.8 and below when everyone is performing much better. Chloe, please buck up, please. Stop falling asleep at home.
Annoyed. Annoyed. Annoyed. Annoyed. Annoyed. Annoyed.

Friday

Yupp, it was a bad day. but honestly, since when a day is great to me? Training was arduous. It was terrible.

Peak period. Everyone's training not just hard, but extra hard. Everyone's putting more effort and time for upcoming semi's and finals. and i really can tell. Its the crucial period, and yeahh, most of us are facing frequent ups and downs. friday's training was one of the toughest trainings, coaches being more strict, every single minute and second was important. some of us got 'scoldings' an all. It was unbearable, i know.

And i was facing my downs as usual. Not very sure if its because i was very tired after running 400m X 10rounds in school, or issit because of the many many things going through my mind and were difficult to cope. But whatever it was, i just felt that i wasn't really on form during trainings and could'nt really fully concentrate. Lots of balls missed. Chen jiao lian scolded me that i wasnt performing well. yess ok. i know that. and it sucked, cos i was really disappointed with myself. Very. i really felt sorry for my doubles partner cos i was rather emotional. yeahh, i AM emotional. my feelings are very fragile, and sensitive. i was on the verge of crying.

Worst part of the training, was to see some of us crying. The amount of pressure, the amount of sweat, the amount of tears. My heart ached, to see everyone training really really hard. It just hurt, and my heat sank. my mood was down to a negative value, not to say a zero. Though i felt already terrible, i still had to fufill the expectations. To be a captain, its not easy. No matter how down i am, no matter how emotional i am, i still cannot show it out. If i show it out, it will pull down the team's morale. So what alternative can i get? other than running to a secluded area, and cry myself out? other than enduring the pain and sadness, and wait till i get home to let them all out? Both weren't a good idea. a voice in my head then told me that i HAD to put aside my feelings. cos what's most important, was to give confidence to the team, and boost their morale. and guess what? i was just proud that i did. But honestly, my heart still hurt.

In wu jiao lian's car on the way home, he talked to me about the team's stuff as usual. Blahhs. i'm not going to elaborate. nobody would want to hear it. i just, teared.

When i reached home, i was hesitating if i should call my usual friends, or to just turn to my bear. Ohh wells, i figured out its ok, i would just control my emotions, because i have learnt to never let my emotions control me.

Thanks chee chin.