The End of a Life

One of my close relative just passed away this evening, one of my close 'aunt'. Just came back from the hospital and i am still in a state of shock. Not literally shock, but just can't really accept it. She was a great fighter, a great fighter who fought her way through cancer. As her cancer had spread across her entire body, her organs started failing, one by one. It was really depressed to see her lying on the hospital bed, head tilted sideways, the outline of her petite and weak body.

At that moment i felt scared, scared of death. I realised that i am not one who can face it easily. I really wonder, is there really a life after death? The feeling of death really makes me shiver. I figured out that life is short. Though you may be able to live till 99, you wouldn't know when a tragedy will strike. When it strikes you, it will be useless to ask, "Why me?"

Life is short. Live your life to the fullest. Make everyday meaningful, be it helping your mum out housework, or make a child laugh. Don't be stingy to make people smile, be generous. Every minute counts and work towards your goals in life. I think i have learnt another lesson, about life.

CHLOE SAYS SHE IS TOO LAZY TO UPDATE HER BLOG, THEREFORE I SHALL BE NICE AND HELP HER TO UPDATE IT! :D I SHALL WRITE IT IN FIRST PERSON :D

I'VE BEEN READING THIS CHINESE BOOK LATELY, BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS ABOUT, OR WHAT THE TITLE IS! ITS JUST NICE :D
HAD 6E GATHERING YESTERDAY! IT WAS SO AWESOME! SUI GUAN'S MONITOR IS SO BIG MAN! HIS COMPUTER COMPLETELY USED UP HIS WHOLE TABLE! HE EITHER HAS TO GET A SMALLER COM, OR A BIGGER TABLE! :D
EVERYONE LOOKS SO DIFFERENT MAN! COULDNT RECOGNISE ALOT OF PPL! BUT SOME PPL NEVER CHANGE ALSO, IN CHARACTER AND IN PHYSICAL APPEARNCE!

ok lets stop here i have completely no more crap to say alrd. chloe says she is too lazy to blog, and im friggin bored so im here to talk some crap! 3/4 of you reading this will have no clue who i am! thts what makes this so fun ! :D ok bye, shall not talk too much crap b4 somebody come kill me!

UPDATE UPDATE PLS :D

It suddenly struck me that my secondary school life is ending in 2 months and 20 days, and then i would be entering a very unfamiliar yet somewhat familiar surrounding. Unfamiliar because the JC environment would be very different from secondary school; yet familiar because most of my batch mates would be entering the same campus.

It also made me thought through what have i achieved so far throughout my 4 years in RGS. Academically, somewhat improving. But entering RGS definetly had taught me how to survive in a cmpetitive environment, and cope with very annoying situations that made me shed much tears. Still, its all about experiences. (:

Secondary school life also made me realised that good friends are hard to come by. Rather, it is very (VERY) hard to find a bestie who will stick by you through thick and thin, sharing your sorrows and celebrating your happiness. Someone who shares similar personalities as you may not necessary be a good friend to you, neither one who always treat you nice. Who knows? Things may turn out differently, and you really can't tell.

Nevermind, i am still searching for one, and hope i can find my Miss Right in JC (:

Apart from that, knowing the pipe and scrub have really changed my life. (:They have made me realised the importance of friendship, and what does it takes to maintain a friendship. Though we had many episodes of misunderstandings and quarrels, i certainly believe that there were MUCH MORE episodes of happiness and laughter. :D Besides being my crying bucket, i really want to thank them for being there for me (through the technology of telephones), hearing me whining most of the time and providing me the encouragement and support, although i know that half of the time they dont know what the hell is going on with me. haha :D Because of them, my secondary school life werent as miserable as it would have been, my OWN life wouldnt be as stressful as it would have been, my cheerfulness are more frequent, and my craziness have been maintain till such stamina! :D

Just wanna dedicate this awesome-three-phrases-filled-with-lucks-and-encouragement to the pipe and scrub:
Behind every success is effort;
Behind every effort is passion;
Behind every passion is someone with the courage to try (:

<3chloee>

Chloe is facing an identity crisis

Yes she is.

And she will be.
For the upcoming one week.
Staying at home mugging for end of years.
Moaning over Bio D: (Mr Chia gave me half a mark and so i passed the previous test ;D yayye)
Dreading Chem (There's so much to practice ZOMG. Dr Ng please tell me the paper aint gonna kill us.)
Going bonkus over Maf (Why must sec3 topics be tested D: manns.)

I miss RGTT, my dear juniors :(

And LEE MEIYING totally did a very ASTONISHING-UNBELIEVABLE-INCREDIBLE-ACT today during cheer prac hahahahah. She is so CLASSIC manns xD

Ok Chloe shall look forward to dance tmr yayye (:

Why

I came back home today with a not-supposed-to-fail failed maths graded assignment. 7/16, gosh. it was so "awesome". Blame it on myself, because i havent been practising maths much these days, with my head going blur on differentiation and confused with integration. Say it easy, i know. But apparently, my brain isnt working much to absorb maths nowadays. I cant seem to concentrate as well as i do in the beginning of the year. shrugs. Tell me why?

I sent my brother off to the airport this morning. And i'm missing him already. freaks. Tell me how am i going to survive maths and chem. I have nobody rely on now, but to rely 100% on myself. full blast. Only 3 weekd left, and time flies. Chloe has not turned on her engine. Tell me why?

I concluded that in life, we can never be fully satisfied. Its Man's greed by nature, i guess. We often set high expectations for ourselves. If we fail, too bad. If we hit it, we end up setting even higher expectations. Call me a neurotic perfectionist, yes i'm. No matter how well i perform in any area, i will often tell myself that i could actually do better, way better. Nothing just satisfies me. If i fail to acheive my targeted goals, ohh wells, it really have to depend on how well i get over it. Sometimes it will take me weeks. Tell me why?

I often reflect on myself. On what i have done so far in my entire life, this entire year, this entire month, and even for today. So let me tell you that, now is 4:51pm, and i havent completed any thing today except my pathetic chinese newspaper article review. See how efficient chloe is? Since when she is, anyway. i seem to slacken nowadays. i really have no idea why. and why i dont really have the urge to study anymore. i really hope someone could just give me an unknown scare and fail me in all my subject tests, and tell me that i am the most useless person on earth. will that be the only practical way to make me shut myself in my room and mug whole day towards my EYAs? I hate this part of me. Really, i have no idea why my sec 4 is such a crap. Perform a quality of life survey on me, and i will give you 10%.

3 weeks left. just 3 weeks. Tell me chloe is gonna make it.

I wouldnt want to know my results, though.

DEAR, (TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN)

CHLOE IS CURRENTLY IN A UNSTABLE CONDITION, SHE WILL BE BACK WHEN SHE IS OKAY. DUN WORRY SHE WILL BE FINE, BECUZ I'VE BEEN PROVIDING HORLICKS, ABALONE AND SHARKFIN!

FROM HER DAD

P.S FOR ANY ENQUIRIES PLEASE CONTACT 91299728 (PLEASE DUN CALL)

Unclassified

Zomgg, it had been EXACTLY 2 MONTHS ever since my emo last post :D haha. Anyway, loads of things happened for the past two months. too long till very lazy to spill out everything ;D

I realised some people are having technical problems with accessing my blog (ohh that means my blog is access denied -- only for restricted personnel? xDD) Hahah anyway, honestly i have no idea what happened to my blog. but i still can access with my computer? heh :D

Within a month or so and i'm going to step down. Well. Have a mixed feeling. Shrugs. (:

End of years are starting the week before sept hols. only have less than 2 months to study. Chloe is gonna make it (:

Birthday is coming. but i am having orals the day before. (thank god it wasnt last year which falls right smack on my birthday.) Hope i'll have a sweet sixteen 'celebration' (:

Hate it. Sports Fest is CANCELLED. *swears* cheerleading arghh!!!!!! D: anyway, i love my juniors. :D

Time really flies. My blog is gonna be dead soon. so dont have to come frequently for those who are reading this. haha ;D sorraye! will be back! wenhui i miss you you woman! still wear starbucks shirt when we went to coffee bean for lunch! haha!

And i miss everyone! D:

I will get my life back after my EOYs ((:

Chloe is in deep shyt because she:
doesnt have the mood to mug,
has been slacking like nobody's business these 2 days,
havent started geog,
is dying for english,
is worried for chinese,
hates her studying habits because she needs to be in a different/new environment in order to study,
feel like slamming her phone,
is doing something useless right now,
wants to scream her lungs out or at least yell at something/somebody,
thinks that her neurons are decreasing exponentially,
really feel like screaming,
and screaming,
and screaming.

ljfc erjne0wuv4w7nt80eteyew08m9e.tcw0,[94mvwc,.4tv;m4c4vtjepd;lvhdsmnkvnhrgewjrghjreng vrynoiu;ew8otmoy8rety8ryt;nevatr9eitahpwieytrtikrjvypiworehtgcjt,hroihe;xqfi rcurf ureqmer tt4qehuc;ct5tu5hmtv854.

awesome.

AWESOME :D

Sick and tired.

Of everything.

My Weekends

SATURDAY:
Morning - ORA
Afternoon - TC and Dance
Evening - TLL

SUNDAY TO-DO:

1. Chem ws
   
2. English essay outline
   
3. Maths assignment
   
4. Maths revision exercise
5. Geog FA (why must there be a lorms question)
6. Geog manufacturing notes
   
7. Geog case studies notes
   
8. Geog case studies ws
9. Chinese ting xie
10. Chinese si han
11. Chinese gong han
    
12. Bio videos
13. STUDY BIO SPA
    
14. STUDY MATHS GA

//feel like skipping school on monday.

Nice

Most of my results were back.

Maths - Okay. Good.
Physics - Satisfied.
Social Studies - Okay.
Chem - Best. Failed with a single digit.
Chinese - Disappointed. Shocked.
Biology - Disappointed. Unexpected.
Geography - Disappointed. I am sitting right in front of the teacher's desk. When i got back my paper, i was shocked and didn't expect a lousy 14 from me. Mrs Mo saw me and said "Chloe, dont be sad uh." It sounded like she was 'scolding' me. I didnt finished the paper after all. Whatever.

Term 1 results were such a disappointment. like totally. Too many 2.8 and below when everyone is performing much better. Chloe, please buck up, please. Stop falling asleep at home.
Annoyed. Annoyed. Annoyed. Annoyed. Annoyed. Annoyed.

Friday

Yupp, it was a bad day. but honestly, since when a day is great to me? Training was arduous. It was terrible.

Peak period. Everyone's training not just hard, but extra hard. Everyone's putting more effort and time for upcoming semi's and finals. and i really can tell. Its the crucial period, and yeahh, most of us are facing frequent ups and downs. friday's training was one of the toughest trainings, coaches being more strict, every single minute and second was important. some of us got 'scoldings' an all. It was unbearable, i know.

And i was facing my downs as usual. Not very sure if its because i was very tired after running 400m X 10rounds in school, or issit because of the many many things going through my mind and were difficult to cope. But whatever it was, i just felt that i wasn't really on form during trainings and could'nt really fully concentrate. Lots of balls missed. Chen jiao lian scolded me that i wasnt performing well. yess ok. i know that. and it sucked, cos i was really disappointed with myself. Very. i really felt sorry for my doubles partner cos i was rather emotional. yeahh, i AM emotional. my feelings are very fragile, and sensitive. i was on the verge of crying.

Worst part of the training, was to see some of us crying. The amount of pressure, the amount of sweat, the amount of tears. My heart ached, to see everyone training really really hard. It just hurt, and my heat sank. my mood was down to a negative value, not to say a zero. Though i felt already terrible, i still had to fufill the expectations. To be a captain, its not easy. No matter how down i am, no matter how emotional i am, i still cannot show it out. If i show it out, it will pull down the team's morale. So what alternative can i get? other than running to a secluded area, and cry myself out? other than enduring the pain and sadness, and wait till i get home to let them all out? Both weren't a good idea. a voice in my head then told me that i HAD to put aside my feelings. cos what's most important, was to give confidence to the team, and boost their morale. and guess what? i was just proud that i did. But honestly, my heart still hurt.

In wu jiao lian's car on the way home, he talked to me about the team's stuff as usual. Blahhs. i'm not going to elaborate. nobody would want to hear it. i just, teared.

When i reached home, i was hesitating if i should call my usual friends, or to just turn to my bear. Ohh wells, i figured out its ok, i would just control my emotions, because i have learnt to never let my emotions control me.

Thanks chee chin.

I'm sorry.

I'M FEELING RANDOM :D

I:
- realised that life ain't fair and easy
- believe that i can do it well and not let the the team down
- realised that i still maths pt journal to study
- think that rgs need to save more electricity
- feel that being a captain is not easy until now without support from everyone
- thus wld like to thank those who had given me continuous support, & thus the courage to lead
- just got back my zuo wen and it suck totally
- just got my back my math paper and thinks that the future maths tests ain't gonna be that easy anymore
- feel like rearranging my entire bedroom
- am not a bimbotic cheerleader
- dislike cheerleaders who are so bimobotic
- want to let others know that being cheerleader not equals to bimbo (cos i am not D: )
- miss outings with lin
- feel like locking myself up in my room for the remaining 3 hours to study
- am not studying enough
- will just die if i dont get 3.2
- am still chasing pipe yeo for my ear piece *hinthint*
- realised that idiotic yiheng enjoys suaning me whenever he has the chance to
- dont feel like going to TLL anymore because its so expensive and it hurts to know that my daddy is paying 900 per term :(

White Horse (:

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now

deirc

Sometimes when i am not hyper-ing, doesnt mean i am emo.
Sometimes when i talk stern-ly, doesnt mean i am having moodswings, its just that yall dont listen to me most of the time, and i have to always be the bad person, scolding yall.
Do you know how difficult it is for me to always seem like the bad person?
Do you know how difficult it is for me to always try to think of ways on how to manage yall, while at the same time try not to hurt and offend yall?
Do you know how difficult it is for me to always want to discipline yall strictly, but end up cannot bear to do it?

I've tried. and i'm still trying.
really hard.

ANOTHER quiz

1) Whats your name?
Chloe Lew a.k.a bathtub a.k.a LEW-lian a.k.a durian a.k.a best mummy ever

2) 5 things positive about yourself
1) Cheerful
2) Hyper
3) Anal xD
4) Crazayye
5) Forgiving ;D

3) 5 things negative about yourself
1) Don't study enough D:
2) Stone big time
3) Emo quite frequently
4) Not tall enough
5) Eat alot

4) Name 5 of your closest friend that you wish to pass down the quiz to (With blogs)
1) Lin
2) SUI GUAN (please redo)
3) WEN HUI (please redo too)
4) Jennifer
5) Chee Chin (Since sean begged me to not inlcude him hahaha)

5) Say something to the people from 1-5
1) LET'S ROCK MARCH CAMP B-)
2) Your monthly allowance is... OOPS. i spent it..... on your uniforms and books.
3) YO WOMAN. LET'S SPAM SUI GUAN'S BLOG. ;D
4) Where's our orange bookie! (:
5) Thankew for keeping my tagboard so lively. In return, please create a tagboard on your blog so as to allow me to repay you. *hurhur*

6) What is your relationship from 1-5
1) Twin
2) Son
3) Crazayye and retarded girlfriend B-)
4) Bestie who lives in bishan too!
5) Table tennis mate and ohh-my-striking-white-specs friend :D

7)Is 1 attached
No.

8) Is 2 detached?
You mean his ears? xD

9) Is 3 not unattached?
I have no idea.

10)Is 4 not undetached?
Attached.

11)Is 5 attached?
No idea haha!

12)Is 2 in love with 1?
LOL NO

13)What would happen if 1-5 are lovers with you?
1) Not les
2) Have you heard of mum and son becoming lovers? thats NONSENSE.
3) Not les!
4) Not les!!
5) I certainly not wanna become Mrs Striking White Specs xD

14)What would happen if 1-5 are enemies with you?
1) TWIN TOWER WOULD COLLASPE
2) I'D HAVE WASTED MY 9 MONTHS CARRYING YOU
3) THEN THE WORLD WOULD BE SO QUIET AND NOBODY TO TALK TO IN MIH
4) NO MORE FUN AND JOY
5) I WILL SELL YOUR WHITE SPECS ;D

15)If you were to die tomorrow what would you say to 1-5
1) i really enjoyed the moments we laughed together and cried together, giving each other support (: i still have many other things to say, come and look for me if you really wanna hear them all hahaha.
2) Son, you will have to be independent now because you do not have anymore parent. Remember to always trust YOURSELF, and NEVER others. Take care and mummy will always be giving you moral support! Please refer to my will. (LOL)
3) I will never forget the times we crazzied together over the phone! (:
4) I will also never forget the awesome moments when we had together (: Please look for me if u want to hear them all too haha.
5) Have the courage to win a girl's heart if you need to! Go for it!

Chloe hereby ban Yeo Sui Guan from quizing me.

Quiz time !

This quiz is passed from YEO SUI GUAN.

Q1)5 things about the person who passed you this quiz:
1. Small eyes -> Japanese guy xD
2. funnaye and humorous
3. spastic and retarded B-)
4. Awesome at keyboard and guitar
5 Have not returned my earpiece

Q2)When was the last time you last talked to him/her?
Umm. just.

Q3)What do you best like about him/her
Can make people's day with his retardness

Q4)What do you hate most about him/her
Owe me alot of stuffs

Q5)If given a choice would you friend him/her
WE ARE FRIENDS

Q6)When is the last time you see him/her
7th March at his performance

Q7)Your relationship with him/her?
GOOD FRIENDS.

Q8)Pass this quiz to any 9 friends
1Lin!
2SUI GUAN (hahahahaha.)
3Yiheng
4Sean LEE
5Chee Chin
6Lim Yi Hui
7Xu hanzhen
8Jen!
9Amanda Sarah Chin
VERY HARD TO NAME PPL WHO HAVE BLOGS. =/

Q9)One impression of 1 - 9
1 BIMBOTIC AND HYPER GIRLFRIEND
2 SPASTIC AND A NICE FRIEND
3 SMART BRAINS WITH 3 CCAS OMG B-)
4 GENTLEMAN AND ATTEMPT-TO-BE-VERY-MATURE GUY xD
5 QUITE RESERVE SO PLEASE TALK MORE ;D
6 ALWAYS BULLY JUNIORS xD
7 CHILI CRAB YUM YUM
8 GREEN LOVER
9 VERY FUNNY AND COOL JUNIOR

What does 1 like to eat?
Honey bubble tea, Korean rice cake (:

What is 2 afraid of?
ME xD

What is 3 despoing for?
TO GET MARRIED AT 16 hahah omg omg omg!

Does 4 like you?
FRIENDS (:

Do you like 5?
HAHA I LIKE HIS STRIKING SPECS LOL.

A colour to describe 6
PURPLE B-)

An animal to describe 7
CRAB! (issit counted?)

A food to describe 8
DARK CHOCOLATE (:

A Song to describe 9
MAMA-MIA

Are you a parent?
HAVE A VERY NAUGHTY SON. B-)

Is your first kiss still with you?
IT'S IN MY WALLET

How are you feeling now
CRAPPY AND RETARDED :D

Who did you last message
PIPE YEO

Whats your favourite show
THE DAY AFTER AFTER TMR

What was the last game you played
UMM. I DONT THINK I HAVE PLAYED ANY GAME SINCE.....

HAHA YAYYE I AM DONE ((: